Saturday, January 12, 2013

Jane Austen's Guide to Getting a Man

In light of the skweeeee-worthy episode of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries that came out on Thursday, I thought I would share some more of my thoughts on Pride and Prejudice and Austen's other work.  I am a bit of an obsessive Austen-ite, but I realized recently that any woman who actually tried to do what Austen’s heroines did to snag a husband needs a major intervention by loving yet concerned friends and family.  

So here for your entertainment are six pieces of relationship advice from the women who know best just how to reach that happy ending.

#1  Be offended when you eavesdrop on a guy after your first encounter and never, ever forgive him.  When he asks you out, turn him down and insult him mercilessly for things he didn't actually do.  Show up  a few months later, without explanation, to creep at his house while he's not home.

#2  Set your best friend up with every semi-eligible young man in the area while ignoring/arguing with the man you secretly love.  Accidently convince said best friend to fall for the same guy.

#3  Watch silently as the one you've loved all your life falls for a complete jerk.  Do nothing.

#4  Fall in love, but reject the young man's proposal when he asks to marry you.  Wait eight years.  You will meet him again, but he will no longer be interested in you.  Arrange for all competition to conveniently fall off of high walls or small cliffs and break their heads.

#5  Accuse your significant other’s father of killing his own wife.  And of being a vampire.

#6  Step One:  Walk in the rain.
Step Two:  Fall and incapacitate yourself.
Step Three:  Lie helplessly in the rain until a dashing hero finds you and carries you back to your abode.
Step Four:   Have your heart broken by the afore said jerk.
Step Five:  Repeat Steps One through Three.  Trust me—this time it will work.
Note:  This method is most effective if you lose the will to live and teeter on the brink of death for a few days.

Do you have any relationship advice from other fictional leading ladies?

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